Sunday, March 11, 2007

Blog, Love, Live, Learn, Blog

Blog, Love, Live, Learn, Blog

Ok, what do I want to say. Firstly, when people blog & blog & blog, does anyone REALLY bothers to read them? More of a Glance, I SUPPOSE. There are millions & zillions of blogs around this world & what does a small URL counts to the planet?


Nothing much, really. & still, people BLOG. Like who? Like ME! I'm one of them! I can't believe I am one of them. No, I actually do know I am. But WHY?!

Blogging takes up a LOT of your time everyday!; you sacrifies your sleeping time, got addicted to it after spending SO much time on it, and you just crap, & Crap, & CRAP, on~&~ON~ about what you THINK people want to know about what you FEEL or go through. Well, people are pat gua & 38 but... But... *URGGH!* I still don't see the point of blogging. Is it because I am still finding my ownself & naturally loves blogging or WAS I trying to be part of the blogging community & now, STUCK to it! It's been years now & I still don't know why people like me blogs.

NO ONE might read this. OR those who READS can say "Eh, so confuse don't blog la! What stupid crap is this; say blog no use but sendiri blog" OR you can say "hahaha... No comment." Whatever lah, OK? Say what you want to say.

Alright, I know I am being "man chang" now & need to take a chill pill.


OK. Back to business. I still don't know what am I doing here. Have loads of work to do & an essay to write but I just lost the initiative to move. Blogging.

Blogging makes me busy. You can see it on my MSN status; I am ALWAYS busy, Away to cook, come in, Busy again to blog, NO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Addicted? *=S I once read in TheStar that there are
actually people like that & now I am One of Them! *Runaway~~!!*

Speaking about "Runaway", I WANT TO RUNAWAY! When I am at Malaysia, I had all these unneccessary but can't live without them problems that I always looked forward to runaway to an island which; is where I am now basically. Tasmania. It's an island of island & even owns 1 of the Top 10 beaches on planet. So what?!? I've never been there anyway. It's too far away from My place. It's not about this! What I mean by "runaway" is more of like a... like a..... RUNAWAY vacation? I don't know! One of my favourite phrase is "Take me away with you ANYwhere now! Don't ask me WHY, don't ask me WHERE, JUST TAKE ME, you IDIOT! I don't want to THINK, I don't want to KNOW, I don't want to CARE!" How I wish that phrase can ever so come true. A Tall Prince Charming comes to me with 2 airplane tickets instead of a white horse & a whip & fly me off to Hawaii or Zanzibar or Malibu OR Miami!!! Ops.. I did it again...! That, is call D-R-E-A-M-I-N-G! But it's OK, it's OKAY, I know that day WILL come. I can see it coming... I still have a 50% to go & reach "there"... I'll crawl, slip, fall, whatever just to kiss my Prince under the sunset with only two gracefully swaying coconut tree witnessing us accompanied by the sound of the waves which then turns to Tsunami & drown us together till eternity.

No, I don't really want that, but Hey! That's actually Not A Bad Idea~! =.= Love, love love. I see this holy word every fucking place I go. It doesn't mean anything cause it means too much & the meaning is everywhere in the air but then it means something because it is actually what you think it is & believe, then it becomes true. Bullshit. What is THAT? See? Ask a million people & everyone comes out with a million description of what they think love is. "What you think love is, is lah, why think so much?" one would say. But NO, man, this is not the way I deal with things. I don't believe that I can never discover what it means! I can see it coming... come to sexy mama! =.= I'm getting nuts & it's not even 3 or 4. & I miss my Gobber peanut butter jam!!!!! )=

How do you view your life now?
"I am very happy now, great things are yet to come!" - But I see the sadness & worries in you.
"Like that loh, normal..." - I see how boring & dull yours is; & how you are actually hiding something.
"Life sucks. Many bad things happened to me, I don't know why leh!?" - Pathetic negative minded person in this world.
"I dono" - Is mine.

Don't knoW!!! What is THAT?! OK, lets put it this way. I view it like that: To me, Real life only starts when you are 18; after you finish high school, not at 1, which means I am only 3 years old now. You learn, you live. You love, you live. You live, & live. You learn, it never stops. But the "benchmark" (Quote: Charlie) is 25. At age 25, you find The One, you pak tor for 4 to 5 years, you marry at 29, give birth at 30. Safe zone, nothing over 30. OK, maybe I want 2 children, so let's reverse. Sorry.

Real life only starts when you are 18; after you finish high school, not at 1, which means I am only 3 years old now. You learn, you live. You love, you live. You live, & live. You learn, it never stops. But the "benchmark" (Quote: Charlie) is 23. (Thank God I am a year-end baby!) At age 23, you find The One, you pak tor for 4 to 5 years, you marry at 27, give birth at 28, & a 2nd child at 3o. Safe zone, nothing over 30. OK, that sounds better! I can't believe I actually had plannED my life from BLOGGING!!!!! *AT LEAST NOW I KNOW WHY I BLOG! * -_______________________________- "

From there, you learn more about life, family, & your MAN. I HATE that word. I certainly despise it I should say! M-A-N. Fuck you! Anyway, THAT, is a log way to go. So, from 20-23, what should I do. I certainly can't runaway from love, which means I WILL fall in love, or people MAY fall for me, & I can't follow my "timetable" cause that would be stupid or unfair to myself to everyone AND myself, & I can't be single cause things happens when they want to & should happen; nothing could stop them. Fate. I am then neither single nor attached. What am I?! Instead of loosing myself into statuses, I would proudly declare myself as SINGLE BUT NOT AVAILABLE -SBNA.

But then, you have sayings like these:
"hohoho... what do you mean?"
"single but not available??? hahaha..."
"Oh, you mean you are single but actually taken?"
"Why Single But Not Available?????"

But no one said:
"I think I know what you mean. You want to be alone & single for the moment but it doesn't mean you give up on love." I don't know. I don't know how to see a relationship going from 20 to 23 to 25 till 27 = 7 years. That sounds long, seems hard, feels scary, not impossible, but undeniably _______. No word for that. You choose.

When I ask "the" guy, anyone he might be, who is interested in me & sees what he says, they go:
"I neVer think that far... Why can't we just be happy & live for the moment?" - Fuck your own mother. All you want is sex.
"We are still so young, why do you think so MUCH?" - All you want is a mate to mess with your love life & leave a visible trace only You can see Just because I am one of the pretty chicks.
"Why do you ask me this question leh?" - FoRget it! Go home.
"I didn't see it thAt far loh... I can't afford to give you promises to marry you.. but all I know is if we never try we never know." - Truthful and rational, but no security feeling providED for a Woman.
"I don't know... All I know is I love you & I want to be with you forever. That's all I know." - Alright, this one takes me somewhere yet, no where.

Not bad, guys. I know the jerk phrases, the stupid idiot phrases, the killa' phrases, the living-only-in-the-now phrases,... Good. *Sallute!*

But in the end of the day, can I blame them for what they say? Amongst all of the above, all of them might sound stupid, but they are at least, true, which leaves the last one's ending the most blurr one afterall.

So, since THEY obviously DON'T KNOW what THEY want, & I THINK I know what I want, I think I shall ENJOY my SBNA life cause THIS, is what I WANT. Live & Learn, where is Love? Find me, I won't find You. Once I found you, I Live, I Die, & I WILL Learn again.

Anyone of you can say the followings or other than the followings:
"Ohkay lor... I know what to do dy."
"No comments. You do what you want la."
"Ok.. I respect your decision"
"I won't give up on you. I'll SHOW it to you to make you believe me!" - SHOW your "SHOW" la then~
OR Lastly,
Avoid me.

Guys, men. Fine, go away, go away. I don't need a man to live. I am happy, I am alive, I am young, I am free. Friends can be find, & so can lovers. But parents can't be; & if they already give me everything I want, why should I search for a man to give me the same thing I have? Show me something I can't have from them, show me what is happiness; fruits beared from male-female love, show me what a gentleman you are, show me security; in love & finance, show me a REAL MAN showering me

Be FINANCIALLY stable; you doN'T neccessary have to be rich to buy my clothes. I'll even buy yours for you.
Make me LAUGH, make me HAPPY, without you looking SILLY
Make me feel SAFE & SECURE without feeling BORING & DULL
DoN'T raise your voice to me; LEARN & LOVE me for who I AM, NOT for how I look or dress or my gestures.
Don't EVER try to fight fate or look at this as a GAME. - No one wins or loose in REAL love, ONLY when you view it as a GAME, there is the Winner & the Blame, the Looser self-pitying him/herself & then fall in love with depression &/or alcohol.

Loving me IS hard, I NEVER dare say it's simple. I wouldn't go into what I can give in return, but I dare say who loves me as much, will be given mOrE.

Those who surrenders their white flags now can LEAVE. Goodbye.
Those who confidently raises their red flags can Start.
Those who can wait, wait.
Those who can't, I have no lost. So do you.

Never take advantage of your love ones. Love should be equal & never to be forced.