Friday, February 9, 2007

a hopeless romantic?

a hopeless romantic?

I always dream of having a romantic guy as a boyfriend of mine. The corny, soapy, worst-than-that candle light dinner accompanied by luxurious gifts, the piano, guitar or violin as the background music played especially just-for-the-2-of-us, Flowers, Candles, the most wonderful scents U can ever think of, the fine meals laid on clean off-white lacey table cloths, surprise fireworks outside the wide glass window under the beautiful city view, & most importantly, your date; looking all gorgeous, handsome, & smart displayed in front of U, with his neat row of white teeth, smiling like a macho.

As for me, I like my boyfriend to be tall with the most suitable haircut on his head; styled, fit, & pleasant looking with a tremendous laid back down-to-earth personality; the humour, the decent laughs, (without looking stupid), the mature, affectionate & passionate man; especially when he's with me. What more can I ask? I asked myself before.

On something that inspired me, I see something which I never thought I could see. I m grateful I see this, though I know myself; I can never stop dreaming on or discontinue being a hopeless romantic maniac. I learnt & finally realized something important I sooner or later must understand. Life is not a fairytale, though it doesn't mean miracles & surprises don't come at all. The one who can really get your world go round is only "the one". I believe in that. Imagining yourself holding somebody's hands; he's alive, he has feelings; maybe true ones towards U as well, & U r holding it, what do U really feel about him? Have U ever, EVER, hold a man's hand; smiling to the whole world, but in your heart, only U know, YOU know what the truth holds, U don't love him, or he is not "the one". How does that feel? Guilty? Sorry? Dillemma? Happy? Confused? Sad? It's funny.

I've seen many guys in my life though I'm just 20 plus. & I believe I'll see more ridiculous ones. My life evolved around guys since I was young, all my friends were from the male sex, girls are just too bitchy & complicated for me to mix around with; unless of course when U r playing Barbie dolls. Till now, men r the objects in my life; I kept telling myself; "I don't need a man". True, I don't need them, but at the end of the day, men is all I see. Once I see one, I learn something from him, I know I don't need him at all to live or survive. What is my lost? I don't see any? What do I gain? Maybe pain? However, a lesson for me can be learnt without REALLY experiencing it. Thanks to my extra-wild-powerful-imagination to see maybe, a short future in a relationship? But again, I'm still a hopeless romantic, & I m a very contradictory person myself; living together with a twin angel; a devil, inside me.

Pointing this & that, my point is about this. There are 2 types of guy in this world. The intelligent romantic & the dumb stick died of dried ideas. The IR can do the most romantic thing U ever seen or at least the same standard as the footages U watched in films; maybe even with love shape hand made lanterns hanging above the ceiling under your meal for two & when U reach home U find small messages written neatly on colorful papers hidden at every spot HE knows U will GO to. Who doesn't like that? Even if U r a woman of a beast, I believe the heart will melt & U'll have to obey to it after all. On the other hand, the DSDoDD will do nothing unless U told him to, U hint him to, U force him to, or maybe he made U complain & promised U a thousand time he will try to learn & change but in the end got pissed because he thinks that U don't love him for who he is; leaving U in a really hard situation, but he might be the one who really loves & cares about U. Believe me, sometimes more than the IR. U don't SEE it this time, U feel it. U don't feel his sincerity of getting into all the fuss to create U a VIP dinner, U feel his generousity in helping U & being there for U ANYTIME whenever U need him. U ARE his VIP, NOT the dinner. Whereas the IR might give U a fairytale for a night, but when the sun rises up & the 2 of U face the busy hectic world again; with 2 ppl living 2 seperate lives, how will he cope with being all lovey-dovey & considerate for U when U r in your worst situation? Does a movie show U a side of that? No.

It's not sad but true. There are IR's who are handy in both sides; good luck / congrats 2 U. & there R also, DSDoDD who managed 2 improve & learn; though by that time he might not be yours anymore. But love is still what all women need in the end; even if U r a lesbian, to live with a lesbian with U till U r old or U will commit suicide b4 ur time anyway, & for the straights, do U believe in love for eternity? Or what is in a happy ending, happily ever after? Anyway, as a conclusion, SOMEtimes, the DSDoDD is the one who loves U MORE than the IR. But let's still hope 4 a miracle~!