Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Empty Balcony

The apartment is irritably empty now. There's a buzz of ultimate silence vibrating my ear drums. My family just left. I bid them goodbye at the doorsteps. They disappeared into the lift with the shadows of their luggage and empty fruit basket. I would have left this goddamn place with them if this pending job had given me a certain answer of when I could start. But it did not.

Nobody would like this feeling. Including you. That's only if I gave you this pair of comfortable maroon heels though. But they are too expensive, so I will not. Lemme skip this stingy bitch part.



I don't know if I did enough. If I had spent enough time with them. Talked enough. Shared enough. Say 'enough' another 20 times it sounds like a bark. Enough is actually never enough. Not when you're with the people you love. Try joining a group discussion @ work, and 2 minute feels like holding back your pee for 2 hours already at the other side of the toilet door.

I watched 2 movies with my brother today. I would love to type his name here for you but on the other hand, I also wonder if that's ever gonna be enough. I doubt if you remember, so I'll just settle with the name 'brother' today instead.

They were 'How to Loose Friends & How to Alienate People' and 'Being John Malkovich'. The first would have been a totally different movie if I adapt me in the 'Malaysian Dreamgirls' instead of Sidney Young. Brother finds the latter disturbing but I like it. It is a movie one should watch once this lifetime, trust me.


"The second I met you, I know I want to protect you with all my will, for as long as I can."

I wish I have a boyfriend who can say that to me. It's not that I am a hopeless romantic, nor that I'm dependent, but how nice it is for a girl to know that she'll always have someone so loving; to fall back on when all else turns grey.

Everything is a bit grey right now and I don't know what's right anymore. I spun myself in circles in a park till everyone looked like some stirred pancake mix, and I realized my existence totally defeated my purpose to be in this world. I am nothing and so is everyone. Sometimes, you just have to be born with it. Don't you think?

No? Wear your 'Green is the new Black' T-shirt everyday and tell me who you are that made a vast difference to the World.


I sat on my bed with teddy by my side. I don't have a picture of him, and I'm in no mood to reach out for my camera. Not sorry either. I could've allowed myself to be quietly absorbed into this plain blank wall, but my eyes chose to provide free flow tears for my blanky.

I'm not a cry baby, but sometimes, I just feel so lonely. I don't need a movie partner, I don't want a shopping buddy, I just want a part-time housemate. Come eat and dance with me in my room.

"Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone..."