Monday, July 14, 2008

You Want A Piece of Me

"Cindy is a bitch. Cindy is selfish. Cindy is a bitch. Cindy is ugly. Cindy doesn't deserve to win, Cindy is only rich, Cindy, Cindy, Cindy."

-Ahhh~ I love my name.

Apparently, from the start, it was only Ringo and I who own a blog. They are both pink, and speak of both beauty, AND fugly things too.

I'll disconnect that statement from here for a while.

What's the use of reading a blog?

DO you learn something? What do you gain. Or does it softly screams "Buy this product!!! I'm now a commercial made up of words!"

Tell me. You learned a lot???

What is the use of reading a blog, which is about food, travel, and pictures of smiley faces.

Does that feed your hungry stomach? It takes you to Bali? Yes?

Or maybe it teaches you how to pose. Oh. That's such a wondrous lesson money can't buy. To learn how to smile.

What is the use of reading a blog, which is all about food, and travel, and pictures of smiley faces, but actually is about nothing at all.

There are many blogs about nothing-at-all. I've seen. WE. have seen.

What is yours about?

Today, You have a blog. I have a blog. Anyone can have a blog, maybe that's why they are so generalized.

What is yours so special about? Tell me. Link it. We'll all read it loh.

My blog, is my Slave. It's a slave; which never complains. A friend, a listener, a diary. An exposed diary I've made it to be, but that doesn't mean it is NOT my diary anymore. It is just -Exposed.

Today, I can unashamedly say that I am glad and proud of myself to be able to write and say what I think is TRUE about Me, and REAL outside this World.

It's very simple. Don't judge me when I say this. But you can choose to be Dawn Yang, OR you can choose to be Xia Xue.

You find it ultimately pleasant to read Dawn's blog -because it mainly reflects only the beautiful mirrors the society is holding.

You might find yourself disturbed when you read Xia Xue's blog -because it is all about photoshop, pink, and cursing. But you DO like it because now there is a place for you to channel your anger from work, relationship problems, whatever lah your shit problems, into her comment box. Calling her "rude", "shallow", bla bla bla, AS IF you never cursed before.

You did. You do. But you don't show it on the web. Does that make you NOT rude?

Everyone has two sides. It's only a matter of CHOICE whether you want to show the OTHER side of yourself; so don't judge a person just because you CHOOSE to play it safe and slave for the ads.

When a blog belongs to YOU, it's YOUR right to write the material you want, and the readers' fate to accept what THEY themselves have CHOSE to read.

Don't ever call a blogger shallow, because it makes YOU one -to read a shallow person's blog, and still bother commenting as if your are not shallow too.

Don't ever call anyone shallow, because you don't have to be a genius to be a famous blogger like Kenny Sia.

Face it. Everyone has feelings, their moments. Different moods, at different times, when they blog. Anger and happiness both fades.

Don't try to start pretending you have none of the above; going around calling people FAKE, because YOU are actually the FAKE one.

Unleash yourself.

I joined a stupid competition for solely experience. Some people wanted the car. Some just wanna get out. While some Muslims wanted to be a universal model showing skin. Very honestly, I never thought I would win.

I (think) I wouldn't have win, if the producers did not try so hard to make Hanis's character in the drama "always the safe one; never in the bottom."

Do you think this show is created for your entertainment, or for the money? If they chose to make this solely a voting competition to earn money, the rules to win are not to be played by US girls, but the public.

What I've been chosen to be portrayed as, is not my choice. And if I, Tey Cindy, had appeared to be the Malaysian Dreamgirl, and she isn't YOUR choice, then why isn't Hanis runner-up, instead of 2nd runner up???

I'm so curious lah. (:

Were my parents the only ones who voted? Let me tell you this.

From THREE internal sources, almost 90% of 11 girls' votes came from their OWN family and friends.

Money is of coz in the game. And a game, is a Gamble. Let me repeat this:

I (think) I wouldn't have win, if the producers did not try so hard to make Hanis's character in the drama "always the safe one; never in the bottom."

Because then, her f&f thought that their votes were enough all along, when it was not. & it would be a stupid scandal if the company chose to bend-the-rules; which might result to my FAMOUS dad calling for the lawyer; as I complained to him in MANDARIN how suckily BIASED the show was.

The fact is, You (know who you are) are dumb, not Me.

If you were in my shoes, do you think I know NOT that the camera was rolling and the recorder recording? You think that I do NOT know that both recordings are gonna go online?? Why in the world would I wanna SHOW the world I am mean??? Even if I am, I would fake it like I'm Hanis the Manis.

But the bold truth my dear, Manis-manis would NOT have appeared in Top 12. Think about it closely.

With all the producers and girls playing petty once 3 girls from my room I was close with left, I didn't have any bloody time to think about HOW to fake it as you like it. Things were different. Things were changing. You should try to be me.

Dear readers,

I had no choice. I've sensed biasness even BEFORE 1/2 way through, and knowing the "90% votes come from didadi" FACT,










F&F s'
































How was the portraying done? Hah! I have truck loads of stories. And some things happened in between me and the producers. I shall not elaborate here.

I had to play the game TOO. For my justice, and everyone who supported me 's justice.

But I can tell you. The really kesian one is none other than Ringo.

I (think) she has been totally kept till she couldn't be "used" anymore, then got kicked out. Why? Because this is an ONLINE reality show, and Ringo is a ......?

Ringo, like Hanis, was "protected" and portrayed as the ones "Never in the bottom." Her 90% votes might not have been sufficient somewhere throughout the show already, but they preserved her in the "safe zone", thus resulting in the injustice her f&f faced.

See; we have Top SIX for two WEEKS!! Need me say more?

Why don't you T.H.I.N.K la, with your common sense instead.

I'm sure some of you here had voted for Ringo, and I'm sorry to say they had all gone to waste from the very start, because poor Ringo was only a bait.

The second last interview; after the 2ND last elimination, on 25th APRIL 2008:

Camera rolling on me-

Producer: Do you think Ringo deserves to stay?

Cindy: Of course! I think Ringo deserves to stay.

Producer: But Cindy, you know Ringo doesn't have what it takes.

Cindy: *seriously fucking stoned.* Paused. Ringo doesn't have what it takes? What do you mean?!

Producer: C'mmon lah, Cindy. We alllll know that Ringo doesn't have the height.

Cindy: HEIGHT!?!?!? If it is SO, then WHY did you guys bring her IN at the 1ST place!?

Producer: *za dou.* Alright la Cindy. So what do you think about Adeline staying then, instead of.......

You tell me. What was Ringo, if not a Bait?


My 15K statement was only used an EXAMPLE, it's NOT a Rumor.

This was my conversation with Ringo (I can't remember the exact words) on the 18th of April, 2008, and it was something like this:

5 P.M: Ringo was sitting on the floor in a relaxed position, while I was on the bloody red couch. We were both in the living room on a mundane evening again; with our books and notebooks. We were the only ones that reads...

Ringo: You know arh, I heard from a friend that you know... Superstar?

Cindy: Ya, I know... Why, what about it?

Ringo: Ya, The runner up's f&f / relatives, actually spent like 15K to vote!

Cindy: WHAT!? 15K?! That's a LOTTT, man! Fuckkk.....

Ringo: Ya la~ And the winner actually spent XXX amount but still, the runner up's 15K wasn't enough.

Cindy: If that's the case then... how are our f/f 's are suppose to vote? So expansive!!! Pokai la liddat.

Ringo: Ya la~ But that's TV lah, this is Online. So maybe it's not that hard la, you know?

Cindy: Hmmm.....

Ringo: Dunno lah... but I wish we are in the Top 3.

Cindy: Ya loh. Ringggoo~!!! I really wish you'd stay... I don't want to stay in this house with the two..... *=S

So in one of the stupid meaningless interviews, I used the bloody "15K" as an example; NOT wanting to mention Project Superstar IN the show of coz!, but people started talking.

The Hair Issue. What about it?

Funny. We were the chosen TWO girls with the LONGEST hair to get em' chopped off!

Do you sincerely think Ringo looks better now?????

I don't think so.

This was a picture taken @ Bar Savanh Too during MDG. I really do think we looked uglier here than before.

And I STILL think I look better with LONG hair.


Girl Y: What do you think of this girl? *holding NewMan magazine cover*

Scissors: I think she is OK ar. Paused. But a bit kesian la....

Girl Y: Kesian? Why kesian??? =S

Sciccors: Cuz her hair is not what suits her BEST, but before we could decide on anything, "THAT LADY" said "Don't let CINDY get away with her hair LONG!" So... cannot loh...

Girl Y: Oooo..... I SEE .

I was immediately informed.

Frankly, from the bottom of my heart, I didn't want to talk about all of this anymore. I really didn't want to. I wanted this to die down. But I think my act of silence after the competition doesn't change the PERCEPTION of what people still think about who I am.

Thanks to the creators that God created to recreate me.

So I HAD to type this brief out. It is not this simple. This is not complete.

But back to my point is, now that I won, it doesn't mean I can't speak my mind the way I want it to, just like I've always spilled the truth in your face.

This is after all, MY online Diary.

I eat, I shit. I laugh, and I speak.

The only difference is, I dare to fart in public, and you don't.

But DO. YOU. FART??? Tepuk dada, tanya sendiri.

What you are actually doing now is like laughing at somebody who farted a big bomb that stinks, as if you never clenched your anus when you shit.

It's only a matter of Choice. You said what turn around goes around, right? Why don't YOU turn around now and try see the ugly world that I HAD been forced to see. It IS painful, but I've seen so many things maybe only one is a million had.

I am NOT the REAL Bitch.

Now that I'm not "imprisoned" at Seputeh, I'm surrounded by lovely people.

Picture of our banglo coming up next. (((((:

p/s: no time for grammar check. it's 3 A.M. fuck it lah. i don't need a grade from you.