Monday, February 25, 2008

Just For Your Reading Pleasure

The best thing to do as you miss somebody when you're far away, is to look at the sky, and imagine WHICHEVER place you wish you would be. Because the Sky looks the same EVERYWHERE in this whole universe!

From National Service, to my uni life at Austalia, till now to this upcoming Malaysian Dreamgirl model search where the Top 12 will be isolated for 2 months... this is what i DID and will continue DOING. -The sky thing~ i'm sure i'll be missing a lot of things from "home" and reality...

How real is a reality show???

i went to the hospital today for some reasons with my family. And it simply felt like all i saw was old people in wheelchairs being pushed around here, and there, up, and down the lifts. My eyes just peacefully rested on their even more sick and tired faces "traveling" around this dull old hospital in circles... give them a break lah honestly.

Sitting in the waiting area, the echoes of people crying and mourning over lost love one(s) kept ringing. ringing. ringing. in my ears. i truly felt sorry, but helpless. Few weeks ago, someone important to me lost someone important to him, and this paralyzed feeling i had won over what we call "understanding" and "time + space giving".

My eyes shed tears when he did and i felt my heart withering too, but nobody knew, and nobody HAS TO know. i suck at situations like this; did nothing to show that i cared, said nothing pleasant, questioned, demanded, crowded him with M.E. Why la i worry about EVERYthing so much. WHY?!?!?! i wish i wasnt such a personality-test-machine, or self-manipulator, but its just too late. Too L.A.T.E., he said.

One simple Question ended everything in One ordinary Night.

i'm helpless.

Still sitting in the waiting area, i heard cries of a baby from another room. It's even more painful to hear shrieks from newly transformed fetuses suffering from pain. However, a cry as such could mean a start of a new life. That award-winning smile drawn on mummy and daddy's faces as they witness themselves their own darah daging cries, i find it ironic.

My baby cousin Julian spoilt my favourite bracelet yesterday; i'm still feeling very sad about what it'd become, but he looked so happy to see it twisted and my kuyu face. ironic ironic ironic. sighhh~~~

Speaking about oil-blotters. You know those blue ones from Johnson & Johnsons? Have been using em' a lot lately i, and i seriously think that it's interesting to see how each one of them forms a different map each time you use them! Imagine if i fix those pieces together and make a Master Piece instead of flying them out the car window... i would have a treasure map ey~ lol!!! q:

As you know / Fyi, i've got into the MDG's Top 12 rite. Each of us got a list of rules&regulations, and a checklist of things to bring for our 2 months stay @ the villa. Honestly, my jaw dropped when i looked at it. To cut a long story short, my family and i did some damn hardcore shopping for the past few days, and i spent... a few Ks..... ):):):

Imagine if i got eliminated during the 1st or 2nd round..... ):):):):):

These things evolving around my life right now just seems so crazy. Drivin' me NUTS! They make me wonder "What's life for?". They make me feel life is "No Big Deal". They make me say "So what!" a lottt.

So, what IS life for, why is it SUCH a big deal, and so WHAT if one fails. Cindy, you're only talking to yourself. Find an imaginary friend, cuz nobody wants you anymore..... ))):