The Chasteful Sycophant

This blog entry is to ALL the guys who Had-A-Crush-On-Me-and-Find-Me-Guilty-for-Seeking-Male Approval-AND-Find-Themselves-UNguilty.

dad loves me too much. that is the world's most ironic problem for ME. i think he loves me more than my mum. how much more burlesque can this be?

to think of this terrifies me intermittently.

sometimes i listen with a hollow mind to stories my girl friend tells me about how stupendously peachy her Mr. Right-Who-Is-Never-Right treats her. she beams and blushes like an over-riped tomato, all i can do is smile and share.

but i can't help perpetually wondering if i might receive an Invitation Card from them 3 years later. or maybe 5? though i know the chances are tremendously low; i cut open a man's heart before and i studied every part of it. too much about it, too much about men.

rotten. decayed. feculent. rancid and stale.

imagine an over cooked steak; the texture so rubbery and elastic you cant chew it at all! -all you can do is SPIT it OUT!



too much you can say.

the stupid thing is, i believe every man who passes, is passing, or passed thru my life crossed through my path because we have this one thing called: "fate".

either you are Jason or Charlie, Taufiq or Balaskeran, the first day you know me, you should already have a blueprint of who and what kind of person i am. and That is the personality i've chosen to show you.

then you know me for quite some time, and you realized i am quite different from the others. that smile i flash or that laughter i let go so true which grounds you back to earth. you like me, you hate me, you love me, you judge me, i don't care. cuz i ALWAYS know what i'm doing. and yes, i know that same old-brand new "GAME" i play; as Mr. Jason Phoon called it.

some guys play it hard to get. they are call the "preys". the girls become victims. girls believe they are the weaker creatures. try hard to stand up again. fall again. and again, and again... the end. hmmm???

some guys don't see themselves as players but loovvveeee to get involve in "games". these are the "sensitive creatures". he acknowledges every lil' things you do but act as if you dont cuz you are not the type of person who loves rushing.

he makes up stories of you and him in his mind. he tries to reminisce and squeeze you into his childhood memories; which is totally impossible. few weeks later, the whole dramatized parcel is then sent to you in front of your eyes calling you a heartbreaker or in other words, a bitch.

and what EXACTLY have you done?

talked thru the phone a few times? dined with him once. watched a movie with him. rode in his car listening that ONE CD he burnt for every vagina he fetches?

when all i have is a novel, these kind of people have 100 short stories in 1 book. and at the end of EVERY Chapter, they conclude by claiming "females are cruel creatures". how unfair. (:

still, the one thing i want to confess is: Despite what each and every one of you whom mostly i never even met sees; my long hair, my made-up face in that pretty lil' frame, my frocks or my heels, i am nothing but O.D.D.

being one of the first FOUR guinea pigs of Sunway University College's Performing Arts + Media course within the whole piece of Malaysia, the four of us stand out as very different and quaint individuals. if you happened to know my other 3 awesome friends; Helena, Joylynn and Nurul Ain, i would say you are damn lucky, man! ;)



a piece of me? my mum was a Physics and Add Maths teacher, also a counselor. i wasnt allowed to do co-curricular activities. i wasn't allowed to play badminton or go cycling. i was never allowed to sleep until the clock strikes 3 a.m. the only green light i was given was used to light the midnight oil and burn it crazy. in the end, i got As for every subject, except for Physics. mum was upset until today. what have i done wrong???

i love performing arts too much. i listen to Britney Spears CDs too excessively till they crack, and i see a girl in the mirror; dancing on her bed like a stage, holding tightly onto a bottle of shampoo as a mic as if its her life. maybe its true how Britney corrupts young minds hey~!

i'm a genie in a bottle. being trained as an actor, i have so damn many personalities i'm fucking confused, but happy. i can be whoever you want me to be. all you have to do is to tell me, and i'll grant you your wish. i believe i can learn something from every little thing you request, and i do. this is how i live to learn, that is how i learn to live!

so? answers cleared?

dad gives me everything i want. - a cell phone, a lap top, a dvd camera, a car, money for clothes, money for shoes, money for bags, money for fine dining, money for everything.

dad gave me the biggest gift i ever had - his acquiescence, endless support, and valuable advises to pick up a Contemporary Arts degree when i can do doctor or law; leave alone unhappy mummy.

dad drives all the way up from my country town to KL every now and then, thus giving up some of his important meetings just to lessen the risks i have to drive all by myself. *so touched everytime he does that...* )))':

dad pats me at my back to "say" i love u because no one in our family was brought up that way...

dad is my handy man he does Everything from the above to ...


the FIRST thing dad did when he came back from work was not shower.....


but fulfill my "princessy" wants and needs..... >.<

in the end of the day, my dad is STILL the best man i ever knew. so should i say, no dickhead is a perfect man, until the day He becomes a father? Still, you never will have a perfect husband, and your daughter keeps on searching for Mr. Right; as she gets a sense of her worth as woman from her father...

"Its ideally a sexy but safe affirmation" - psychotherapist Erica Day.

"and there's no such thing as Mr. Right, so learn to love your partner's differences to live a happier life!" - Miss C.



*xoxo* (((: