Sunday, April 29, 2007

Missing Summer, & Showing Skin...

Missing Summer, & Showing Skin...

It's so cold these days I believe no man would want to masturbate or their sperms would freeze inside their dick sticks.

Interlude 1

A day just like everyday, I sigh for a little bit & slip my cold feet into my golden ballet shoes. They are faithful; more than any other living creatures I know. I buckle up the little belt around my ankle, step around in a small circle to sense if they feel right, & walk out of the door. As usual.

"Nothing special today", I tell myself. Secure the earphones connecting my tiny eardrums to my lil' pink iPod my ex boyfriend sent me from the States. He himself never touches it. Benjamin, or they just call him Ben, is my first ever real boyfriend, I only had one, & so far, he is still the last.

I take off my kitten gloves from my right hand so that my thumb can scroll on the white little circle to turn on my favorite song. I don't know what its called, though I listen to it every morn along this route. My hand feels so cold she shouts for the gloves. I decide to blast the melody louder, & leave her there naked.

Perhaps that means possibility.

Or perhaps I should admit that I wish someone's hand could be her shirt instead; giving us security & provides loneliness-free feeling along my ritual-like journey as I close my eyes & skip to the campus. & by the time I reach there, she would be all warm & nice, just like his palms. He would then wait for my short breaks and after class-s, & then walk back together again. I don't know who is "he", but I wish there is a figure so. --Wishing for simplicity.

I understand the parody. Furthermore, I'm listening to a song on a pod given by someone who is considered the "first". But "he" I dream of is most likely not him anymore. Every now & then I keep telling my best friend Felicia how much I wish Ben was here, but deep down inside I know its a habit created, not love sprouted caressing the both of us. Well, our love was nurtured, not starting with all the chemistries & crushes, and of course we do love each other, but it had very sadly became a "I love you because I need you" instead of "I need you because I love you".

I continue walking, trying to keep that away from my mind. There's no point thinking, he had moved on.

Track 1 : Broken Breakfast Radio

I saw him today.
He just stood there.
He didn't see me,
didn't see me.

I found a trapped voice;
under my throat,
inside my neck,

I tried calling out his name;
but something pulled it back,
pulled him back,
pulled me back.

He stood there; starring straight,
looking forward, moving ahead,
He walked;
The light turned green.

I stood here; starring at him,
looking through him, moving to him,
I ran;
The light turned red.

He said.
I heard.
I saw.

I knew he saw me.
He saw me
for the very last time,
for my very first time.

-No one died because the driver hit my ass and bounced back~! =.=

Track 2 : Sweet Heart

I dreamt of a strawberry that day
I thought it was you.
but it wasn't.
you are sweeter

Then a blueberry came by
I tasted it...
It didn't felt like you
you are sweeter.

Then I tasted the honey
I thought, that should be the taste I've been looking for
so I tried it
You are sweeter.

I thought of all the sweet things I could think of
all the sweet fruits
and sweet cakes
the candies

I tried
and wondered
but no.
you are sweeter

then I realized.
in my life,
I've never tasted anything as sweet as you
I've never felt anything as dear as you
I've never seen anything as pleasant as you

You took all the sweetness of my mouth,
my heart,
and my love,
and gave it back to me
hundred times more

How I wish I could have you
forever with me,
coz you are neither of those things I can see
nor touch

are my Sweet Heart

-Sugar free condense milk (can keep fit + free from diabetes!) =.=

Track 3 : The Walking Poem

I felt you there
the wind brought your smells to me
I heard your steps
the soft and clear sounds of your heels told me

I tried to walk as quiet as possible
so I could hear your steps coming closer to me
but I heard my heart as well

the wind again brought your smell to me
I thought I could fly
I flew
I couldn't feel my knees anymore

I was brought to your side
my heart was walking with you
and turning around with you
so happily
and joyfully
like a child
who found the best thing in the world

I wished the wind never stops
so I can feel you all the time
and be with you..

how I crave I could have a thousand roses in my hands
1 for every single steps you took
1 for every single day we meet
1 for every single day I kiss your lips
and 1 for every single day,
to show how much I love you

-Unfinished ?

Track 4 : The First Time...

The first time I see you
on the road
you flip, you ran
like a cute little girl
you ran with an angel wing
across the long grey path
as if the time stops
and all the eyes were on you
I said to myself.
she's the girl
she's the crazy one.

she hip hip hop hop along the way
jumping left and right
even a rabbit would feel ashamed
a puppy couldn't even be that hoppy
she flew through all the trees
and bushes
like a road leading to a circus
so happy
so crazy
so I've decided to just stand there and laugh


Interlude 2

The journey to is always further, the journey back though, always feels half the distance to.
I'm always in love with the impossible or the invisible.

Track 5 : My Reply

Everyday just like everyday,
my cold feet slipped through my shoes
who walks me on the same old route
Just like everyday.

I skipped
I ran
I hopped

Never fell.

I smiled
I laughed
I hummed

All by myself.

He saw
They saw
Everyone saw

Was I performing?

An act
A dance
A song?

Do you know that the route to is just too far,
so far I couldn't not run
The route from is always so near,
so near I crawled & dragged
my shoes my cold feet slipped through
just like everyday.

Stepping on the golden crunchy crispy leaves of autumn,
Crunch Crunch Crunch
I closed my eyes, and
Walk Walk Walk

I did not skip;
When can I run
Or how can I hop
When the sounds of the cracking leaves are like melodies...
of me...

I closed my eyes tighter
I saw with my ears
My heart pounding fast
Imagine hearing your footsteps
from your warm feet in your shoes
Crunching the golden flakes with mine... autumn


Shall I turn back?
You tell me.
I know you wont.
& so I did.
The long, grey path... empty.

I never see you,
You always see me.

I fell.
You ask me why?
How do we stand up if we never fall?
The ending is yet to come.

I stared at my wounded knee;
before my first tear could come rolling over
Your warm hands pulled me up,
You carried my home

The joy, I can't share
I want it all by myself;
selfish when it comes to love,
petty when it comes to you.

We didn't skip
We didn't run
We didn't hop

Walk never we
Turn back never we
Lonely never are we

You gave me your shoes
& carried me home,
My road is never empty
With me,
& You.

-May I love you next autumn...?

It's already 4 a.m.
Had an orgasmic hot shower to only wake up & realize all this is just a dream.

Tomorrow, will still be Just Like Everyday....

Note: The poems in blue are written by a friend of mine. Mine's the purple. (=