When she walks home...

When She Walks Home...

As I walk back to the office from the chicken rice shop I used to go today, I realize I can't walk as slow as before. The sun is so hot & bright. I try slowing down the pace of my feet but I just can't. I look right & see the same girl in black t-shirt waiting for her bus at the shady bus stop. She was there when I walk north, & still there now that I walk south. This time, she had company. Both of them r so afraid of the UV, & even if I don't want to be intimidated by Mr Hot, I don't think that fact can be ignored.

I look at the cars from the opposite direction & change the location of my handbag when I heard the sound of motorbike(s) from behind me. I look at the ground as an inch of my heels bury down the earth where the grasses are gone after each step I take. Its the same everywhere, I thought to myself. Whether it's the town, countryside, city, or wherever it is, it's still the same. Nothing changes. The only thing that's different is the highways & condos built in the city. That's all~ Whats the big deal?

The place where I work in is a banglo office, meaning not in a big tall building with lifts, but its in a housing area, & we're living & working in a red house. The environment here is a lot like home; with the kitchen, tvs, computers, & stuff. But I still miss home. & I'm far away from home. & will be even more far away from far after this.....

This reminds me of my dream last night. I saw a woman & her child; My mother on my left, & my brother on my right. I looked & stared at them suspiciously I wondered Y. I came out of my dream & asked my forehead y she wrinkles but I entered my dream again; being pulled back by an invisible force strong enough to push some1 blurr & weak like me. My mum looked the same as now, very very much the same, but I can't really recognize her. I can't recall how she used to look like before when I was a baby girl & she carries me around in our previous old house. I moved so fast forward with my life I've ignored her all along, & I never kept track of how mum had become older & older gracefully all these years. *cries* (shites~! no! this is the office!)

My mum said nothing and so did my brother. They just stared at me with sorrowful eyes. There were creases on mum's forehead as well. I recalled not admitting mum as my mother because I didn't want to accept the fact that mum will & is becoming older when I'm about to leave so soon. I could barely imagine what happened when I come back years later from Aussie when time grows so fast with age. Bro started 2 get angry that I had such a thinking but I can't seem to hear what is he saying! I was crying then as I didn't know why both of them are actually so out of my reach.

Its funny how I can't maximize the time I walk but I manage to recall this in a short period of time. I begin to get aware that I am alone. This is even funnier. I m & always alone. "U sounded like U'r a loner" said my friend. Well, mayb he is right. I M a loner...

I recalled once again the days when He drop by to fetch me have lunch together. We never went far away from the office but the lunches were hearty & delightful enough for me. He always made me angry by asking "duh" questions or replying "duh" msges b4 lunch time, but each time I open the car's door on the left & sees his face, every fouls seemed to be forgotton and forgiven without a 2nd choice left for me to choose after all. I'll hug him and give him a kiss, saying 'I love U' as he change the P gear to D and resume driving with that familiar smile. I just love it when I get to see that. A smile that made me feel I should be grateful, & that I m lucky. Now that he's gone, I wonder if there's any1 who can still give me that smile.?.

I watched One Tree Hill again yesterday (almost missed it!) & heard + remembered a saying. - Find someone who knows how to respect you & treat you good, Someone you love for who he is, not what he does.
Dad, I remembered U saying that to me too, only the 1st part though. The 2nd part, I learnt myself last night. I loved him for what he did, not for what he is till today. (I suppose) As when it sounds as if he's not the one while I feel he's the one, I recall back again now that I'm leaving real soon... REAL soon...

Enough about the drama Queen side. Pardon me for my agony.

FYI, I'm in the office doing databases locking & UNlocking capsLOCK every now & then. There will be a maid who come by to tidy the banglo every 4-5 O'clock. Normally, she was O.K. But today, I smelt something old, hapak, fishy, & damp. It's her~ -____-" I can't mouth it saying she stinks! -Pantang! But she is wearing a big, suppose-2-b-bright orange T-shirt saying "BREATHE & LIVE" behind her back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! BREATHE & LIVE??? Its SO bloody IRONIC because she smells but she is the 1 sending the msg around the office 2 'Breathe & Live'. >.< *hais* Duno what 2 say dy'...

OK, this is how I spent my day from I think let's say... 9 a.m - 5 p.m ? How sorrowful~ hahaha!
Alrighty, another 1/2 an hour 2 go, & I'm free once again, for the 1st day of the week; MONday...~