Melodies of Life (5 May 06)

Melodies of Life

I always think that I forgot the past. But...
each time I listen to a final fantasy piece of music, all that came 2 my mind is U.
Among all the people, I had the least memory with U, but I wonder how these music swiftly leads my mind 2 create beautiful memories that seemed 2 b ours b4 & forever.
Eyes on me, melodies of life, suteki da ne... They bring me 2 different & yet, same worlds.
I'm always alone; sad & happy feelings mix in my heavy yet light heart. Wandering around, I soon will c u. U r always there. We r always waiting 4 each other.
U know.. no 1 can replace that place of urs in my imaginary fantasy space that is 1 of the most precious thing only I own, I can't trade, I WON'T trade.
I tried imagining other people but it doesn't take long for me 2 realize they just can't be. I always, always ask myself whY? Why is that so? U r really a jerk 2 me. U r 1 of the worst among all the guys I know. But I always manage 2 5d a very beautiful & precious side of U which; I aprreaciate very much.. very much..
I can just imagine this heaven for the whole day & running away from the real world when nothing seems to EVER turn out rite 4 ages.
Do U know I can give up everything in my life IF I can EVER leave this real world to this place that's ours, thinkin bout nothing else but 2 only b vf U forever?
I m longing 2 feel how U will treat me nicely, U once do, & remember that for eternity.
U r great, bcuz U manage 2 do this 2 me. U gave me a whole big, wonderful world that specially belong 2 us, & that no 1 has explored not even a bit or a piece. This is something money can't buy & I believe had been planted in my mind to last even after I die. Even if my brain has rott away, the invisible soul of these melodies will still roam around in my coffin, never leaving my side. U r so precious 2 me...
...why???
I thought I forgot the past. But I know what I did is push U aside, far far away in a dark corner of my heart, & lock the melodies of the memories there, which stimes rings but all I do is ignore.
"I'm forced 2 fake a smile, a lie, everyday in my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even a whole to start with."
Mayb I still love U, mayb all I love is the past, or it's only the memories & melodies I WISH 2 have had; all that we'v missed.
My heart still ache when I think of our melody. I can't blif I can't escape them... I really can't.
I'm so sorry. 2 myself, 2 U, & 2 every1. I should b more truthful 2 all I know.
It's irony how simple & happier things can b but we can't control & let things fall back to it's place.
I 1 2 blif that U did once love me for who I m, but I know it's fake. Even when I'm writing this, perhaps I'm just betraying myself. & that U never feel the same way, not even once b4.
Why m I blogging & stopping & blogging & stopping & blogging again about U. I always thought the fullstop is there but it's ... instead of . !
Do U remember loving me??
I really wish 2 know...
The more I write, my heart is slowly breaking into millions & millions of small pieces. I can hardly find the pieces of puzzles 2 fix them back anymore.
I heard a long lost melody & here it is...

Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark,
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart.
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain.
Melodies of life, love's lost refrain.

Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why,
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye,
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold.

In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me.
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name.

A voice from the past, joining yours and mine,
Adding up the layers of harmony.
And so it goes, on and on,
Melodies of life,
To the sky beyond the flying birds.
Forever and beyond.

So far and away, see the bird as it flies by,
Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky,
I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings.

In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?
Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?

A voice from the past, joining yours and mine,
Adding up the layers of harmony.
And so it goes, on and on,
Melodies of life,
To the sky beyond the flying birds,
Forever and beyond.

If should I leave this lonely world behind,
Your voice will still remember our melody,
Now I know we'll carry on,
Melodies of life,
Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts,
As long as we remember.

I was wandering without a destination
I continued to search without any clues
Making the memories you gave to me
into a song to heal my heart

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days when, without making any promises,
without exchanging words or consciously deciding,
you embraced me and sought me out;
those days will never return

The you who touches my hand within my memories
can still call out my name

Change those flowing tears
into shining courage
Life goes on,
continuing beyond the night
into a tomorrow which has never been doubted.

I wonder how many memories have been left
to the sky beyond the flying birds
while forgetting even fleeting hopes and dreams
in an unreachable place

How can you say that happening upon each other was a coincidence,
even when the time for us to part will surely come?

Even though I am fated to fade away,
as long as you are alive
life will go on
for eternity;
all the way to the limits of that strength.

Even if I were to die,
as long as you are alive,
life will go on
for eternity;
all the way to the limits of that strength

I wish 1 day, U may come by & know what my heart is thinking all this while. & 2 any1 of U who happen 2 cm by & read this, every word above is sincerely what my heart wants 2 say bout our melody. My story vf him is usual yet unusual. It's because he left me a big, new world 4 me 2 imagine, which now, becomes mine... alone... I wish I can cry, but my eyes held back my tears so forcefully. It's always so hard & painful 2 read back what I'd blog. Tons & tons of courage I'd use 2 just visit them. But I still thank him, for allowing me 2 realize & explore this gift God or him has given me, 2 b a writer in the fantasy genre in a romantism era most people had left. I never wish 2 force U do the things U don't like bcuz I understand how love can't be force. I learnt that loving some1 doesn't mean U hv 2 own them. I have NO rights 2 say I U. But all I actually only wish 4 is just b with U, whether I can touch ur presence or not, 4ever in our imaginary world that I can c & witness vf my own eyes... which sadly, I know can never, ever happen... forever.