Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Good-bye Sunway University College...(5 Dec 2006)

Good-bye Sunway University College...

I ar... have a confession 2 make.
Well, as usual, another piece of crap from my life. Yes, yes, I know. Nah, thr I go again~
Anyway... I finish my academics!!!!! No more goin 2 college! Sunway Univeristy College, that is.
Can U blif that?! I mean, I can't! I seriously canT!!!
M I happy? M I sad? I dont know~!

I was lying on a bench outside the Roof Top Theater (RTT) on the last day of college, waiting for the time 2 reach 4 us 2 perform our last performance 2ghtr as students thr, 4 a grade. I lay thr, vf much confidence; excited more thn worry or nervous, lOOKed up the sky, listening 2 my new mini iPod as David Tao's great numbers soothed my soul & heart. 4 the 1st time I felt RTT & coll life can b so beautiful, as in a sincere way. (I was always telling myself "College life IS beautiful") but now, not havin 2 do so in vain. I just feLT it from my heart. The piece of sky... so blue, though I can hear thunders~ (Its been raining everyday lately) I just din seem 2 care whether it will rain. I can c Ain & Raz chatting on my right, the juniors playing around behind me, Ruby jumping over a stool freely, & the blue RTT in front of me. How do I say... I cant describe this feeling... I m sad, but happy.

Frankly, all these years, 2 years + actually, I dont like this school as much as they do. I doubt as how much they do though. The 4 of us especially, everyday... U knw. I dont knw Y we cant b friends, but always more of coursemates. Its depressing stimes 2 think about tht, cuz whn I enter this college, I wld really b glad 2 mk f.r.i.e.n.d.s.; 2 hang out, dine, hv real fun vf. Not acting again! We had enuf acting in class!

But yah, I wonder if it's MY prob or ALL of us.

1 always hv problems happening, somehow which mk us felt as she 5ds the unneccessary problems 4 herself, & then affects us 2. & always feel pain everywhere but not afraid of tattooS. I still question tht till 2day...? -.-"
1 is my kind, a Scorpio. Well, we kinda get along 2ghtr. But if the truth, I felt thr'r still acting elements in our friendship. Not friends, friends. U get wat I mean? More of like... yah, we hv 2 talk 2 each other...? Yea... still questioning~ -.-"
1 is more neutral. More like me when she is hungry &/or sleepy. More of a sister. But also, not the type I can ask out 2 go out; just the 2 of us. Y? I dont know... -.-"
1 is me. I m always a lil late, gv excuses 2 b absent once in a blue moon, always fin my assignments bt start 2 do last min work stimes...

Y? Cuz whn I m early, some arent, whn I m not absent, sm gv reasons tht can b rejected, when I fin all my work in time, no 1 does & time is delayed. hahahaha!!! What has mk me what I m 2day~

I pay 4 tis 'good' course 2 learn as much as possible; dahlah tak complete, complete, sebab kite org macam trial; guinea pigs. I felt that, ya knw?! & thn we cant move on cuz sm delayed work; again & again, (thts OK), & lately, we cant use the time 2 fully rehearse bcuz Y? I dont 1 2 say bout tht. But I m sure we can hv a much better show if we did things in a group more maturely. We CAN do it! But its 2 late now anyway...

U c, I do C the good side of ppl, but whn U tried & the least good tends 2 shine more, what does that mean? R the hugs real, sincere?
U bitch, U complain, U tease, U laugh.
I do too
after some time.
I knw ppl bitch about me, complain about me, tease me, & laugh at me, ALL behind my BACK.
Do I do the same & be the same vf them?
I did, bt not anymore will I.
I saw a lot of things... I jus nvr say them. & U think I don't know.
Because I m loud, I m always blond, I m always happy, I m dumb?
U r so wrong.

No 1 has 2 force themself 2 like me. If U dont, just dont. Don't fake it. No 1 is perfect!

Whatever it is, this has come 2 an end. We learnt 2gthr, had lunch 2ghtr, watch plays 2ghtr, been through not least 2ghtr. What brought us 2gthr is still fate. I shall not mention bout tis again though. But it has 2 b here. My last journal 4 this course, there U go.

I will miss U... The school, the lecturers, my friends, the existence & non-existence.

Human shld really b more real & truthful 2wards themselves & others. Wouldn't life b more real & colourful? Being in an acting school doesnt mean U hv 2 be "actors" all the time, right?

& I seriously hope the coming Head of School(s) will b more & more responsible of what U'd created. U don't just -leave- when U like, do U?

I really hope any1 who read this wont feel tersinggung or whatsoever. Its jus confessions of a puzzled heart.

Now it's time 2 do my intern, training, working. ahaks! Not happy at all... but do I hv a choice? Nope.

Got 8tv/tv3, got Red Com. Which should I f*ckin tk? 1 pays, 1 dont. Tht which dont mks U work like a cow bt tht which do r working hours. But the 1 tht dont is nt tht easy 2 get in & I kinda got it...

Any1? Any opinions?


December, December...
I love U all alonG
& I 4gv U 4 being Away 4 Far 2 lonG~
its All coming bk 2 me now~
Things will nvr b the same again
Oh my December...

Spoil not my days
Nor my time
I love U as much as gold
& time is gold
So U r my time
& haft U make my days