Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Scene 1 : We were at Melbourne . It was night time , and the night is young ...

Come here . Why are you angry ? Are you angry at me ?

Yes .

What , me ? Wow , what have I done ?

I don't know ! But YES , I AM angry at YOU !!!

But WHY ?

Cause YOU know WHY ! , but you ACT as if you DON'T KNOW WHY !

I really don't know why ! So ... do you want to slap me ? I'll let you ~

Yes !

OK .

He took of his spectacles and offered me his left cheek . I raised my right hand and pulled it backwards as FAR as I CAN .

I slapped him HARD on his face . No hesitate . Not at all . He was shocked . So was I . But I felt satisfied .

Wow ... you really DID slap me . So ... do you want to slap my other side ? There you go . But I'll have to put my hands above this cheek then .

What's the USE then , SILLY ?!

I walked away .

Alright then . Come , tell me . Why aren't you happy ?

We sat on a bench . Federation Square .

I sulked ; with my two elbows on the table and my palms on my cheeks . There's a long silence instead .

So ? What is this about ? Why are you so angry ? Tell la ...

No .

Tell la ... please ... Tell la ... Don't lar like that ...

NO !

He shook me like a child .

tellllllllll laaaaa .... Telllll laaaaaa ....

He came closer to me . I could feel his consoling heat encompassing my left arm in this cold , bitter winter . I thought for a long , long , time before I opened my mouth . I knew I will eventually HAVE TO . I fumbled on a broken see-saw .

You ... . You ... !!! . you ... . AaaRGH ! I HATE YOU !!!

Wahhh ... so hate me meh ? Why oo ?

He blinked his eyes like he always do . He had worn his specs ; and his hand covering the redness of his left cheek . That made me laughed for a fucking long thirty seconds . He waited for me to finish .

I looked at him in the eyes . He looked at mine too ; calm . I could feel a ball of hatred energy sent across our eye line into his wistful eyes . Oohhh, HOW I HAAATE HIM ! Though as soon as I feel that , my soul endured waves and ripples of sorrow and sadness and grief , insinuating my heart .

She was an amphibian that day . I felt that I'd lost my aorta and that she's floating in an ocean of blood ; alone and lonely . I felt heartbroken . Anguished . My eyes started to tear .

He consoled me and bear with my drama queen attitude . He had that mussed up look on his face ; rumpled and encumbered .

How FAKE .

I didn't manage to say much on that bench . All I managed to do is to mark a trademark there . That we were here before under this bewitching moon , and that I slapped a creature the second time of my life , at this time of a time .

Come , let's take a walk .

I stayed pacific . Come . He took my hand . There . He marked a trademark for me too . There , on my hand . His finger prints , they were tattooed There .

You all know it ~ ! I hate him , because I love him .

Scene 2 : Federation Square (still) . We were looking across the bridge where the princely, majestic, picturesque ferris wheel spins its colors .

It's such a beautiful night .

Ya , but not with you around ~ ! You , go . Go away . I mean it . (No , don't go , I don't mean it AT ALL !)

Go ? I won't leave you alone here ~ ! Not AFTER you drank a bottle of Whiskey and there threw the bottle into this river !

eh , how did you know that ! Ohhh ... so you DO see me doing things , don't ya ?

He acted nochalant .

Fine . YOU, GO ! (No , it's not fine at all . Pleaseeee don'tttt gO ! I don't mean it again ... !)

NO ! I WON'T Go .

But I Don't Want you here ! The sight of YOU makes me SICK ! (I want you here so desperately, your presence makes me weak .)

C'mmon . He came closer . What now ... huh ?

You . Why didn't you care about me ? I mean , on the first few days here you treated me so good (like more than a friend , then like a girlfriend) , but then you didn't care about me AT ALL ! I'm invisible to you . What have I done ? What did you do ?

I was busy looking for a car ~ You know that .

Yah , I DO know that , but you can STILL at LEAST call or send me a message , am I not right ?


You said you will call and tell me where we were to dine that night , and I waited for that . But where is the call ?

I forgot about it . Well , and I thought you were with Frank ...

You THOUGHT I was with Frank , well then I was . But so what ? You can't call if I'm with Frank ? What's wrong with you ?!

OK , I'm sorry about that . What else did I do wrong ?

(Fugger ! [I created this word yesterday ; don't know if its still original .] = Fuck + Bugger)

You ... *Robert , do you REALLY don't know what you did ... You really can't see ... ? Never mind .

He escaped . I loss in this game . My misfortune . My white flag had long been hung above my head . I was just too petrified to see if its there .

He went to sit down on a lawn seat about two meters away from me .

Let's sit here !

He was tired of baby-sitting me .

I went to him at last , again . No matter what the hell he did , I'll still go back to him . I know , I'm lame . I admit it .

We sat close to each other . I lay on his shoulders . Sebak .

Aku sudah tidak boleh tahan rasa sakit yang bukan kepalang ini . Berhari-hari , berbulan-bulan ku tunggu , ku tahan , ku tanya . Tanyanya apa benda ? Bukannya didengari . Ia ? Engkau tidak tahu betapa kuat rasa suara hati ini mahu menjerit "Aku Cinta Padamu" , begini . Aku tahu engkau tahu . Tapi sikap alang-alangmu yang begitu jelas sekali dipapari ... Tidak boleh kubuat begitu .

Tidakkah rasa sayang ? Cuba mufikir . Jikalau semua cinta yang tidak dihiraukan langsung seperti situasiku ini di dunia ini boleh dikumpul SEMUA SEKALI dan dijadikan satu bola tenaga tunggal , kupercaya BOLEH ia menjanakan kuasa elektrik mungkin ? Antara banyak-banyak tenaga di dunia ini , kumasih mampu percaya kuasa cintalah yang paling dominan . Cuma ia tidak boleh digabungkan , lantas dijana . Bazir , bukan ?

Semasa kufikiri konsep ini di alam sendiri , kurasa ... lima minit lamanya ? ku ditanyakan dia :

(Finally he was speaking up , and in a very deep and serious voice .)

Do you think I'm a bad man ?

Yes , of course ~ ! DUH !

Wahhh ... so sure meh ~ ? Are you feeling that I'm treating you good this minute and then ignoring you another ? Are you questioning why ? Is that so ?

Yes , Exactly . So ? Why is that so ?

He paused for a long time , thinking about what to say ; I could watch the reflection of his sentences swimming frailly in his mind box from his spectacles . He is one of those people who just-HAVE-TO think before he speaks , or he'll think he will DIE .

His pauses made me excited . After all this time of playing this game , finally I shall know the answers of why he did the thing he does . I was very sure there's an explaination for everything .


I recalled the day at the casino where it all first happened . I hid my thumb under his and immediately he understood the game .

It means : " You are my remote control ! "

Fifteen seconds later .

He slipped his thumb under mine as he rambled about stuff he didn't know what he was talking about . He KNEW that he is now playing the game . It went on and on ... and he was contented . I was delighted .

But this time when he held my hand , it felt different . I felt sad , though my heart pleaded me to be happy . My mind tried her best to be positive . She sighed .

He spoke .

Cindy .

... Yes ... ?

I ... Well ... You see ...

I looked at him looking at his hand holding my hand ...

... I treat everyone like that . My best friends ... when they are down . Even my mum , and my sis , when they feel sad or unhappy , this is what I do . (hold their hands . - -")

He was being smart enough to cover up his previous doings ; Game ?

Best friends ..... ?

Ya , well ... I have many best friends . Like you ! You are one of my best friend . You see , now you are sad , right ? This is how I console sad people .

By holding their hands ?

I don't go around holding all of my best friends' hands, but some of them . And you are one of them !

(And play games with them as well when they are happy ?!?!?!)

Tell me about it . Jerk !


True Facts :

  • 22nd April 2007 : *Robert and I officially knew each other in a pot luck .
  • 15th May 2007 : Had our first date at Mc Cafe .
  • 18th May 2007 : *Robert designed my play "Dinner" 's poster .
  • 19th May 2007 : *Robert says :
    " I'm questioning if I would give you back how much you gave me , if the answer is yes , then I might just give up , coz I would want to give you more than you give me , love you more than you love me , so the conclusion came out to me ... I'm not ready to make you suffer ... "
  • 28th May 2007 (10 days later) : 1ST plan for the trip to Melbourne .
  • 7th June 2007 : *Robert called for the first time and we chatted for an hour . For those of you who remember my "mi hun kueh" entry , he was the one who managed to save me and my essay .
  • 14th June 2007 : *Rob and I planned to take a cruise back from Melbourne . Tics booked !
  • 20th June - 26th June 2007 : Our trip to Melbourne .
  • 27th June 2007 : *Robert became my unofficial "boyfriend" for 1/2 a day on the cruise .
  • 27th June 2007 - Now : My story on his side - Had long ended . His story on my side ? - Well...
It's fading eventually .

P/S : Mind you for those who wondered ; we never kissed or did anything stupid ! Which is G.O.O.D !