The Seed of Eternity.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Say Something.

Say something.
Cow jumped over the moon.
Say something.
Star light Star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I have, the first wish I wish tonight.
Say something.
Broken compressors for your car are a very big hassle.
Say something.
Traffic jams are almost magical; you know not where they come from, nor do you know it when they're gone.
Say something.
Green traffic light; my favorite.
Say something.
It's square. Its nothing as it seems the little that you see, its home.
Say something.
When I was younger, I thought I could fly if I tie a towel around my neck, then my mummy whack me, cuz I was running with the towel in the garden. I might have been naked.

Give me a title.
Quiet lies.

Malu Bertanya Sesat Jalan, IS A LIE.

A man once told me:
If you don't know anything, you must ask.
You must ask.
It shows that you show interest in your job.

You must ask.
When you ask, people will be more than happy to teach, because that makes them feel that they can actually help.
They feel smart. And who doesn't like to feel smart?

Yes, man. Who doesn't?


Then, a woman once told me:
You've got to stick your nose up to everything cause we do everything. If you don't, nobody is going to come around and teach you anything.

Which reminds me of a situation like this:
Have you ever asked somebody so many questions till the other party's face changes; from a broad smile (you saw during lunch as you let her rambled on and on about how great sex was last night; as you slept alone in an empty bed instead) into a face so sour it tingles you till the tip of your backbone and makes you cringe???

I'm not a fan of any of these.


The man once told me:
You got to make sure that you are needed in a company.
That's to say that whenever there is X problem regarding Y issue, people MUST go to you. Or they will not know anybody else to go to because only YOU deal with that.
You must let people feel that you are NEEDED.

So now I ask:
How can one establish that in 3 months?
To make the company NEED you SO badly or the corporation will die.
I need to know.
Anyone?


Yesterday (& in FACT, so MANY yesterdays) :
I asked.
I was answered;
but I was not taught.

I'm not asking for a teacher or lecturer or Guru;
but I need guidance.
So I asked for guidance,
who asked for a guardian.

An hour ago, I felt a jumble of words all queued up and jammed behind my throat, but I couldn't ask any questions because they were all things I should have known before a meeting.

Each time I was briefed, it sounded more like a sursurrus remonstration.


I don't understand.

Somebody's got to hear this.

I SAID,

I don't understand!


I am not complaining.
I am Not complaining.
I am NOT complaining.

But I have so many questions to ask.

SO MANYYYYY!!!!


I THOUGHT I WAS TOLD TO ASK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

BUT WHY WHENEVER I ASK, NOBODY IS HERE TO ANSWERRRRRR ME ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

NO BLOODY BODY.

AND CAN I HAVE AN ANSWER WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A CLEAR ANSWER!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

That's all I'm asking for here.

The Luster of The Pearl of Orient 2

8 P.M : Next to Lorong Ah Moi; (couldn’t remember the name) Maybe Lorong Ah Bang.

I was actually well-fed. VERY well-fed. Ha ha ha!!!

11 P.M : Hotel / Sorento

The night felt so young. Dilly did my make up for me instead of going to da club, Mois.

But ½ way there, our sushi Sorento got over-heated. -___-“

But that did not stop Jack & I to be in a festivity mood! :DD

12 A.M : MOIS

That's my drunk face.

Can i keep you?

“Fear less, hope more;

Eat less, chew more;

Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Love more,
and all good things will be yours”.

i came across this Swedish proverb @ my one of my best friends' blog; eripeng.net

After such unequivocal eschatological encounter, i can't help but sigh more. i'm everything of what we're suppose to be less of. ))):

• i fear, i worry, i think - so MUCH i feel like a worm in a damp old sock.
  
• i eateat&eat- drunk on food- wishing i could be happier; forgetting leftover disquietudes.
• i whine so much - look at what i'm doing now.
• i talk - to myself.
• i can't love - because i am afraid.
  
• i can't trust - because i care about your past.
• All good things can't be mine - because i'm always a mile away from Future.

Such independent functional principal presents extremely interesting challenges to the total system rationale of my mind.

i closed my eyes just to rest for a while; to remind myself of the little things you do that i can't afford to. ---But you tell me how much you love the way i are.
i tried to sleep at night; but i'm intoxicated by your Caffeine.
i searched for an antidote, and that pestiferous journey poisoned me more.

berserk. bigoted.

How do you let go of the past when you actually have a brain as a memory bank and a heart that felt and feels?

i can't answer that; but i've forgotten and let go of my past. As i turned 21, anything before naturally felt like perkara remeh-temeh dan lain-lain sebegitu.

But what happens if you worry about someone else's past ?

If jealousy is a Scorpio's expertise, then yes i am as such. If worrying-too-much is my star's heredity, then please help me change Me.

Save me.
Kiss me.
Love me.
Touch me.
Keep me.
Hold me tight.
Share with me,
& i'll be yours forever.



She's sensitive. A soft soul.

p/s : couz szeyin i love u. sheautorng i miss u. chiewmay i like u. peikshang i heart u. i miss all those moments as we all lie down on that bed; gossiping from midnight and laughing till sunrise, watching David Beckham swinggg that leg... & babes, that was 2002. (:

Durian Cake

Those. Days. Were. G.O.N.E!!!

The days when i eat chips soaked in gravy or ketchup for lunch 3 times a week @ OZ...



-______________________- "

OR

When you eat OUT side, its either:

1. tOO Oily




2. tOO much MSG (ajinomoto)



makes me feel either like a tong minyak, or a camel. ko lian~

FYI, i am planning to take part in the "Malaysia Dreamgirl" online reality show... =S

And THAT means i have to "jaga badan". the bentuk, i mean. =SS

SO lehhh, mum cooked some STRICTLY "non-oily" dishes for me... =DDD




cucumber hollows with sweet chili tuna !!


100% chicken broth soup with pasta and button mushrooms ~

but, GOTTT fattening stuff ALLLSO !!!!! damn tangggyyyy ahh ~!


baked stuff crabs with cheese !!


mum's AWESOME durian cake !!!!! !!!!! (tho i HATE durians, somehow this cake of hers made me gobbled 5 pieces .....)

OK. i DONT. WANT. to talk about. IT. *sobz*

Colours of Our Spheres

the more unexpectedly you get to know a person, the more exciting the story unfolds. it's about the unexpected, not how different it all started. it's about how it starts, not how it ends. i realized that simple beginnings are much more beautiful than complicated ones because only then, the story ends well.

when some think that love is real only when you feel sparks at the first sight, some think love takes time to ferment; when you see this person everyday and it becomes a routine, you realize one day that you can't live without him/her, that is where real love is formed.

i loved someone even before i met him, it was unexpected, it is queer. but because its so different and complicated from the start, our story is no happy ending. 3 weeks ago i knew this man by the sea shore from a friend, we began hanging out everyday doing nothing but just talking crap, and he fell in love with me.

let's say he, someone, and i are watching a movie together at the cinema. he likes me, but i like someone, and someone will only like her who will only loves no one but herself. we are sitting in the same row, why don't you look into our eyes... are we starring at the screen or trying to figure out what's in each other's heart every tick and tock?

the saying goes: when one door closes, the other always opens. but i think, if one is too blind to see the open one, may s/he remain behind the closed door as long as they want; even if it takes forever. the secret is? each door has only one lock; and each lock has only one key. and this precious key only belongs to one owner who has faith in him/herself. you get what i mean?

Bits of You , They Bit My Brain , Bit by Bit .

the sun who coevals once a week shows up today , but i am too lazy to do my increasing laundry .

my desk is such a mess , but i rather see that as art .

my eyes they are now red and sore again ; i know i might get blind this time , but i couldn't be bothered to see my optometrist .

i tried .

i bought a bus ticket to the city to shop , only to see myself in the bus again half an hour later .

i felt so sleepy , but ended up tossing in my bed which never felt so small and oppressive before .

i tried singing my heart out , only to realize i was crying .

maybe i need to go home .

i spent over 5000 ringgit for bracing my teeth , my plastic retainer broke 3 months ago and now my teeth they are like before .

my fading cream depleted 5 months ago , i couldn't get them here and my scars they can't go away for summer bikinis .

my hair had grown so long they feel limp , and there are no hairdressers around i trust to do something good about it .

i am so torn .

i wanted to change myself and stop cursing , fuck that .

there is a rehearsal tonight for that stupid play , fuck that .

i need to do my bloody 300 crunches , fuck that .

i can only fucking eat 5 m&m s a day , fuck that - i ate 50 .

if there is leehom's concert here tonight , i'd rather stay at home .

there is no where i wanna be , there is no place for me . my home feels too safe , and this house is not mine . if his arms is not where i belong , then where should i be ? if your arms is where i should be , then why don't you belong to me ?

i guess i've been trying too hard to be someone who is not genuinely me . i had lost my voice , because they say i don't know how to speak . you kept trying to change the way i breathe , and never stopped preaching that my voice box is under my belly . i talked to myself and listened to my melody , but the recordings proved no one right . how can someone be someone when she could neither breathe nor speak ?

or perhaps i am demanding too much from myself ; too much of a perfectionist . the space too wide to improve , too little time given , because too little time is left . ten years ago , i knew what i want . ten years from ten years ago , what i want never changed . ten years from ten years from ten years ago , will i be holding on to what i want for a decade ?

or maybe i'm just a dreamer . i know i'm not a lucky person . or maybe ... a perfectionist is always just a dreamer , when you don't have money ?

my eyes they feel very sore . my mind congested , my heart feels too heavy to beat . i'm worn out . worn out .

crumbling into your favorite scintilla